I’m not going to show off my cut & paste ability. Trust me on this: as many 100s, which seems as thousands of times I have heard during this NFL season “the team must control the tempo of the game,” the only analyst that actually tried to define what same meant was Sterling Sharpe of the NFL channel. He called “controlling the tempo” as ‘Being in synch with your teammates.’

I am saying that I am an NFL addict, but I do not listen to every game, therefore I am sure more have tried to do it – the best out there, that of a Dan Dierdorf, a Phil Simms, Bria n Billick, Brian Baldinger all have taken shots at what controlling the tempo of the game actually means. Anyone out there may feel free to email me at the address listed in my profile, meanspeed@gmail.com, with other examples you may have heard.

Today I walked through the rain to my law office. Everyone was talking about either being unemployed, how to avoid getting fired and how to interview for a job for which you have no background either in the abstract (school) or real (the Federal Withholding tax for the Impoverished, the most shameful tax in the history of the country). Mass confusion. The song that came to mind and that which I spent some time on last night, feeling this panic of a city coming on: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Kurt Cobain and handed to his band Nirvana.

One could easily ask: why isn’t Kurt Tangled Up In Blue? Why? The lyrics, should you visit one of the millions of lyrics site, are actually happier in the song at the speed of panic and foreboding, 117 2/5 beats per minute, according to the meanspeed music conjecture. If you look at the lists on the above screen, you will find that the chance of a song at 117 2/5 bpm being haunted are high: Every Breath You Take, Billie Jean, Land Of Confusion – once you *feel* it you may use it to control your tempo. You may use your knowledge of what happens at that speed to *not* let the tempo control *you.* For example, if you are the kicker for the New York Jets, and before a kick, Buffalo calls a a cheap ‘ice you, little boy’ Time Out, and the crowd is blasted with this song: FEAR NOT. It’s only an attempt to control the tempo, literally and figuratively, using the crowd.

Meanspeed-Carlton Summary
song title=SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
performer=Nivana
mean speed/median velocity/average standard tempo=117 2/5 beats per minute
emotional concept as predicted by the meanspeed music conjecture=foreboding
emotional concept as actually heard=suicidally haunted

/Ian Andrew Schneider/
December 11, 2008